Fear of Life
by Concentration Maple-ation
Summary: My name is Kirby Olsen and I have lived in fear for 19 years of my life.


My name is Kirby Olsen and I have lived in fear for 19 years of my life.

Fear of what? you ask. Fear of life, I respond.

At 2 years old my mom died and I've been living with my dad until 18.  
Her cause of death is still unknown to me, but I believe it was  
murder. My dad told me that it was simply a car accident but I don't  
believe him. I shouldn't believe him, I couldn't believe him. I won't  
believe him and I never will.

I'm sure my mother was a good woman. A few of her friends that still  
have contact with our family say that she and I have many  
similarities- our eyes, our smile, and the shade of our hair. My dad  
hates it. He hates me. Every time he looked down at me from where I  
was curled up on the floor, the wind knocked out of me from the force  
of his hits, I bet he wished I were dead. If he really wanted me dead  
he would have done it. Maybe he didn't want to be accused for two  
murders. Maybe then he wouldn't get away with it.

Maybe I'll be hit by him for saying that.

At age 13 I was sent to Bullworth Academy. We moved from New York all  
the way to Massachusetts for a job offer. He probably only needs the  
money for beer, or maybe drugs, or even prostitutes. Only god knows  
what he did when I wasn't in the house or drowning out the world in  
music. The only time I ever saw him anymore was during the summers.  
Those long summers. Summer had become my most hated season. I still  
hate it now.

The people at Bullworth weren't all that bad. Sure, most of them were  
jerks, but they were better than being stuck at home with my father,  
every creak of the stairs making me freeze in fear. I even have  
friends in the football team that don't make me feel like shit. Sure,  
I may have been small and skinny, a bit too skinny, but they didn't  
pick on me for it. Too much. I managed to regain my strength and get  
some muscle from all the training Mr. Burton put us all through.

I made a few enemies as well. The Jocks are naturally in a rivalry  
against the Nerds so every Nerd I saw got a special recipe of poundcake.

Threatening someone with poundcake was probably the best insult I've  
heard and I guess I picked up on it. It's a common threat from me. I'm  
sure all of the Nerds are used to it. And even that Jimmy Hopkins kid  
that came by when I was 15. He seemed to be all over the place and,  
within a few months, he took over the school. All of the cliques  
belonged to him. He was cocky and rude and ugh, he needs better taste  
in shoes, but other than that I guess I didn't mind him. After all, I  
can't pick a fight with him or else he's got an army of cliques  
surrounding me in a heartbeat.

I don't see him much nowadays. I don't really care where he went and I  
guess I don't want to know. After Gary Smith turned all of the cliques  
back against him and put the whole school in a riot (which Jimmy fixed  
and became King yet again), he was probably too busy living in luxury  
for me to even see him.

There's one person that I saw everywhere in Bullworth. Ever since I  
moved there, I saw him in about every area I've been to. It's almost  
like he was stalking me. I didn't know why but now I know. All I  
really knew about him was that he was a Bully, his name is Trent  
Northwick, he had these gross zits on his forehead (that are now  
scars) and I'm not sure if I liked him at all back then. He was  
downright creepy and weird.

Fast forward. I'm 16 and it's summer, I'm living with my dad. From all  
the football, I've managed to fend him off when he's in the mood to  
beat me, but he's rather large and's gotten fatter from lazing around.  
I get bruises on my torso and arms and legs but they aren't as bad as  
they used to be. I have more friends that I hang out with and cops are  
more frequent around here, so he's smartened up and avoids hitting my  
face. I couldn't ever muster up the courage to rat him out, but it's  
better be safe or sorry, I guess.

There was one day where I stood up to him and he was so enraged I  
didn't even see him charging at me. All I can say is that it hurt like  
a bitch and it definitely wasn't pretty. He didn't hold back, he  
didn't quiet my shouting like he usually did, and he left bruises at  
about every spot he could get to.

It was also the day where I finally lost my virginity.

I told myself it didn't count. I told myself it was rape, that it  
couldn't really be gone like that, but my tears kept falling otherwise  
and I didn't even trust myself at that point.

I quit coming out of my room, I quit answering phone calls, and I quit  
eating. I knew Mr. Burton would be a bastard about it when school  
started again but I didn't give a shit. I felt like a wimp and a  
coward, I felt dirty and unwanted, unneeded, and nothing could've  
changed it. I was raped and beaten brutally and if it wasn't for  
creepy, weird, zit-faced Trent Northwick I might've actually died.

I was about starving to death in my room, curled up on the floor with  
my stomach screaming at me to eat when a knock sounded at the front  
door. I thought it was someone delivering something or a guy from the  
football team coming to check on me when the person knocked again. The  
Jocks only knock once, then wait a few seconds then take their leave,  
and the deliveries just hang out on our doorstep. They kept knocking  
until finally I heard my dad open up the door. His gruff voice growled  
at the person to leave but the other person was persistent. My dad let  
him in so they'd leave him alone and could finish watching the boxing  
match.

I heard my dad yell rather harshly, "Kirby, get your ass up! It's for  
you!"

And I slowly obeyed, sitting up and leaning on my bed, squinting at  
the dim lights of the hallway that still burned my eyes, creating a  
silhouette of the person in front of me.

He noticeably paused before coming in and shutting the door. I sat  
still and let my eyes open a bit wider, blinking away the blurriness  
to try and recognize the person standing in front of me, but to no  
avail. I probably didn't look too recognizable either.

I heard him sigh after a while as he stepped forward. I closed my eyes  
and pressed back into the edge of my bed as I heard him come closer. I  
wasn't sure who he was yet or what he'd do, and if he was there to  
kill me I wouldn't mind as long as it was fast.

Instead, though, he picked me up as gently as possible by the armpits  
(which hurt anyways) and set me on my bed with ease, looking me over.  
It took me a moment but soon I recognized Trent. He still looked  
creepy and weird but he also looked so concerned for me. In a way, it  
made him... Attractive.

Don't give me that look. I knew I was bisexual from 13. I hate it  
but I can't help it.

I hadn't seen someone look worried for me in a while, but, god, it  
made me feel good to know someone at least cared in the slightest bit.  
He had argued for a while with my father just to see me and make sure  
I was okay and I really admired him for that. I had just met him, too.

When my stomach growled way louder than a stomach should, his frown  
deepened. He stood back up to his full height and took me by the  
armpits again, attempting to stand me up. I wobbled uncertainly but I  
at least stayed upright.

I sniffled. "What are you doing?"

My voice was croaky and so quiet I thought he wouldn't've heard me but  
he merely gave me a half smile and told me to put some clothes on.  
When I asked why, he told me not to question him. Normally, I would've  
snapped at someone for saying something like that but from the way I  
was, anger probably wasn't on my list of emotions. I don't even think  
expressing my emotions was on my list of anything to do.

Soon after I was dressed in some decent clothes that didn't smell like  
shit, we were walking down the street. We walked slowly, and I felt a  
little bad for holding Trent up, but if I were to move any faster I  
would've passed out.

He picked up some food items from Yum Yum Market and we went to a spot  
to sit at the beach, away from most of the Preps. Trent made sure I  
ate as much as I needed before we left. Nearly everything was gone  
except for some meat and a few Beam Colas. He told me I could snack if  
I needed to.

I felt a bit stronger than I did already and I was able to talk to him  
more. He was the one who got a smile out of me within a few weeks.  
Trent Northwick got Kirby Olsen to smile after weeks of depression.

Never thought I'd hear or say that sentence.

Fast forward again. I'm 18, last year at Bullworth. After Trent  
practically saved my life 2 years prior, we've been talking and  
hanging out more and more. I learned so much about him, but I don't  
feel that I let him know much about me.

When he brought up the subject of homosexuality and that he was openly  
a bisexual I couldn't talk. After that conversation I became paranoid.  
Everything he said seemed like a flirt and I tried pushing him away in  
fear that someone would realize the fact that I'm bi, even if we were  
alone.

Our relationship kind of fell apart after a while because of that. I  
regret pushing him away and tried to talk to him but everything was so  
awkward. Eventually we got in a fight that left me hating myself.

I hated to admit it, but I loved Trent Northwick.

And I also feared loving him.

After school was over I didn't know what to do. Trent told me I would  
live with him as roommates a few months back, but now that was out of  
the question. I didn't have a place to stay except for my dad's. I  
almost considered asking Trent if I could still stay with him, but no  
way would he agree. Not after the biggest fight we ever had.

I asked to stay with my dad. He said no. And I was okay with that.

I asked a few of my Jock friends if they needed a roommate but I guess  
I'm not roommate material for them.

It was either ask Trent or live out on the streets.

I was in deep thought about it as I hung out with all the Jocks at  
Ted's house in some graduation party. Barely anyone came up to me and  
I was slightly grateful for it. I nearly missed my phone vibrating in  
my pocket. When I fished it out and saw the caller ID, my heart leapt,  
but I wasn't sure whether it was from fear or relief.

I almost didn't answer Trent's phonecall but I manned up, opened the  
phone, and shakily greeted him.

"When you're done with that party you're having you can come move in  
any time, baby."

I was angered, flustered, relieved, and so in love with him after he  
spoke those 16 words.

Fast forward 5 years, into the present. Trent and I are so close, the  
people that actually know about our relationship say we're connected  
at the hip. I love Trent and he loves me. Nothing could ever change  
that.

Sex? Check. Sloppy makeouts on the couch? No problem. We're more open  
now about our relationship and our closest and closer friends are  
about the only ones that know. Trent's divorced mother, Karen,  
absolutely adores us together. His father is long gone, out of the  
picture, and he'll never know about us.

My own father is gone too. Every time the thought that I'm an orphan  
crosses my mind, I quickly tell myself Karen is the closest thing to a  
mother I have.

Before you ask; plane crash.

Elli, his oldest sister, is like my own sister. She's like a more  
feminine version of Trent, and that's probably why we get along so  
well. Kristen, Trent's second oldest sister, Kaitlin, third oldest  
sister, and Katrina, the youngest sibling, almost love me as much as  
Trent does. Keyword: almost. They know they can't have me but it  
doesn't stop them. They swarm around me like flies and sometimes Trent  
gets jealous.

He's probably the only person in the world that's cute when they're  
jealous.

I'm living the perfect life right now. I'm on a kickass football team,  
I have a nice, new family, and I have the best lover ever. And to  
think, this all happened because of a weirdo I barely even knew came  
and checked on me. He took care of me. He loved and loves me.

My name is Kirby Northwick and life has been my best friend for 4 years.

* * *

**A/N: So originally this wasn't supposed to have Trent and Kirby wasn't supposed to fall in love with him but my OTP feels took over and it happened anyways.  
What inspired me to start this was a song called Dirty Night Clowns by Chris Garneau. I know what the song's about so I attempted to write something to (kind of) match it, but I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and it turned out to be a happy ending and they get married and blblblblb**

**A lot of this conflicts with my personal headcanons. I don't know a lot about what their personal home life is so I made it up. In my _actual_ headcanon, Kirby's dad died, his mom _*adores*_ TrentxKirby, Trent's dad has been divorced and re-married to-you guessed it- Karen. Karen has three children, Kristen, Kaitlin, and Katrina (who adore Kirby like in this fic) and she is so homophobic I kinda hate that I created her. Trent's biological sister is named Elli. (Anyone get the Harvest Moon reference? ...No?)**

**In another (failed) headcanon, Kirby has 5 siblings. :/**

**Anyways enough about me, I really hope you enjoyed and, if there's anything that SUPERLY conflicts with the game's canon PLEASE let me know in your review.  
If you wanna share a headcanon let me know as well. (Headcanons rock)  
Also sorry for any OOCness IDEK how to write them lklklkkllk ._.**


End file.
